Anna K Read online

  “Don’t know yet,” Vronsky replied. He wanted to join, but there was no way he was going unless, by some miracle, Anna was able to go, too.

  “Look, I know it’s coldhearted to kick a dog when he’s down with a broken pelvis,” Murf said. “But all this waiting until he’s better is bullshit. He’s not gonna be cool either way, at least if she kicked his ass to the curb now he’d have Percocet to ease the pain.”

  Vronsky didn’t answer, because he didn’t want to speak out against Anna, though he was in complete agreement with Murf’s assessment of the situation. Every time he tried to bring up Alexander with Anna, she bristled and refused to discuss it. These days he barely got to see her, though they were texting all day every day, so he wasn’t going to waste the precious minutes he had with her talking about her busted-up bf. The fact that he was getting on a horse so he could spend some alone time with her showed the lengths he was willing to go.

  Riding a horse was much scarier than riding a bicycle, because you were so high up. Bunny Hop was a six-year-old gelding but had been around long enough to recognize an inexperienced rider. Vronsky pulled out his most soothing voice, the one he used to use to sweet-talk girls back to his house, but Bunny Hop was having none of it. He couldn’t get her to go faster than a leisurely stroll, so by the time he arrived at the apple tree where they had arranged to meet, Anna had fed Mark Antony two apples and eaten one herself. As soon as he arrived, he slid off Bunny Hop before she came to a full stop, took Anna’s face in his hands, and planted a kiss on her. “You taste like apple,” he murmured.

  She laughed and pushed him away, handing him an apple that he took gratefully and bit into with a crunch. “That’s not for you,” Anna said, pointing to his horse. “It’s for her.” She took the apple out of his hands and gave it to Bunny Hop. The horse chomped it delightedly, then nuzzled her giant snout against Anna’s cheek.

  Anna and Vronsky had exactly twenty-three minutes together under the apple tree, and when they sat up after minute twenty-two, they were both breathless and hornier than a herd of antelopes. Anna had never been kissed the way Vronsky kissed her, and she had never wanted to kiss someone so badly herself. She knew she had said she’d visit Alexander later, but when she stood up, brushing the dirt off her backside, she had changed her mind. Maybe it was time to stop putting everyone’s needs in front of her own.

  “I want to see you tonight, but we can’t have you and that motorcycle roaring through the neighborhood. Can Murf drive you somewhere?” she asked. “Or could you borrow his truck?”

  “What do you have in mind?” Vronsky asked, not daring to get his hopes up too soon.

  “My mom went back to the city and I have the house to myself tonight, so maybe you can come by later when it’s dark?”

  Vronsky agreed immediately and promised to be discreet. He let Anna head back to the stable first, not taking his eyes off her until she and Mark Antony were just a tiny speck galloping off into the distance.

  V

  The combination of Percocet with a Soma muscle relaxer is known on the street as a Las Vegas cocktail. Alexander knew this because he was not a fan of taking any prescription medication (not including Adderall, of course) and wanted to do some online research about the numerous pills he was prescribed after his surgery. He discovered that the pharmaceutical cocktail recommended by his surgeon was quite popular. He hated to admit it, but he liked it. Maybe a little too much. It made him forget about the fact that he was falling behind in his studies, that he had a broken leg and may always have a slight limp, that his girlfriend had been moody and distant, and, most importantly right now, it kept him composed in the middle of his seventeenth game of Scrabble with Eleanor.

  “G-I-V-E-T-H, triple word score on the H … so that’s…” Eleanor paused, counting her score on her fingers.

  “That’s not a word, Eleanor.”

  “Sure it is. The lord giveth, and the lord taketh away. Job 1:20. That’s twenty-one points for Eli-corn! Ooooh, I’m winning now.”

  If Alexander wasn’t floating on a lazy river of opioids, he would have definitely challenged her, but instead he just said, “If you say so.” He rearranged his own letters, studying them. He noticed he could spell Anna if he wanted to, though of course proper nouns weren’t allowed, but if Eleanor was cheating, so could he, right? Alexander connected two Ns and the A to the last word he’d played, HOAX.

  “Uch. Not funny.” Eleanor immediately started picking up his letters to hand back to him.

  “Stop! If you can break the rules so can I,” he said in a whiny tone that sounded foreign to his ears.

  “Whatever has gotten into you, I don’t like it,” Eleanor said in a voice that matched her mother’s intonation. But she put his letters back on the board.

  “Is she coming back?” he asked.

  “Who?”

  “Anna.”

  Eleanor sighed. “Don’t you find her weird lately? It’s like she’s a totally different person.”

  “Please, not this again.”

  “All I’m saying is that if I was your girlfriend, I would never, ever leave your side when you’re helpless like this,” Eleanor cooed.

  “I wouldn’t say I’m helpless.”

  “You know what I mean! This was her! She did this. Your poor leg, my face!”

  “Your doctor said you won’t have any scars that anyone can see.”

  “But I see them. I’ll always know where they are. She could have killed us both.”

  “You’re exaggerating. Besides, Anna wasn’t driving the car. We hit a deer on a snowy night. It was an accident.”

  “Was it? Why didn’t she leave with us? That blond guy she was dancing with. Don’t pretend you didn’t see them. I assumed he was gay because he was so pretty but one of my friends told me he is very much not gay and in fact is a very well-known fuck-boy around town.”

  “Eleanor!” Alexander didn’t know if he had ever heard Eleanor swear before, and there was something so comical about hearing his devout little sister say the word “fuck-boy” that he started to laugh. It was absurd. Everything was absurd. Eleanor’s rage. The fact that he’d almost lost his spleen. That when he closed his eyes he could still see the haunting image of a deer bursting out of the woods and running into the street. The brightness of the pupils glowed in the headlights and the poor creature’s eyes grew so big in fear that for a moment he felt like they were a portal to another dimension, like a tunnel that he could drive through. He could still remember the crunch, though the doctor said it might have been the sound of his leg breaking, not the sound of an innocent animal’s death.

  Anna used to remind him of an innocent fawn with her big eyes and her sweet face. But not lately. What Eleanor was saying wasn’t untrue, even though he refused to admit it to himself. Anna had been aloof and distant, her visits perfunctory, and she always wanted to read to him instead of talking. Though, in her defense, it’s not like he was able to keep up his side of the conversation high on pain meds, with the most exciting part of his day being when Jimela brought him his bowl of lime Jell-O.

  “I need to sleep, Eleanor. Can you wake me when she comes over? Jimela said Anna told her she’d come back later.”

  “I said that,” Eleanor retorted. “Because that’s what Anna said earlier. She said she’d bring over frozen yogurt for me. Do you think she’ll remember?”

  “Yes, I do,” Alexander replied softly. “You need to stop being angry with her, Eleanor. Think of all the wonderful things Anna has done for you in the past; don’t you always say that all your favorite headbands are gifts from her?”

  “No one’s disputing her fashion sense. Look, I get it. She’s beautiful and perfect and blah, blah, blah, but she needs to do right by you. She needs to understand how lucky she is to get to be with you, that’s all. Please, I hate when you’re cross with me. I promise that when she comes over tonight I’ll forgive her and we can all move past it, okay?”

  “That’s very noble of you.” Alexa
nder said this half in jest, but he knew Eleanor would take it seriously as sarcasm always went over her head.

  “I think we’re out of the whipped cream I like. Should I text Anna and tell her to get some? Or maybe Jimela could run out and get it for me?”

  “I think Jimela has been working hard enough. Perhaps you should go out and get your own whipped cream?”

  “See?” Eleanor cried. “This is exactly what I mean. You’re so good, Alexander. Of course, I should go myself.” She came over and adjusted the cashmere throw covering him and leaned over, giving him a kiss on the cheek. He hated it when she did that. She did it even in public, little pecks hello and good-bye. She did it in front of his friends, too, and in turn they mocked him and called him Jaime Lannister. As Eleanor walked away, the smell of her vanilla perfume made him gag slightly, or was the Las Vegas cocktail making his stomach feel like a hollow pit?

  VI

  Vronsky parked Murf’s truck with the farm’s logo by the side of the house instead of in the circular drive. It was still visible, but looked like a workman’s vehicle, so any neighbors who noticed it wouldn’t find it odd. Not that neighbors could even see down the long, gated driveway to the house. Vronsky didn’t get out of the truck right away, but instead gave himself a moment. Murf hadn’t been thrilled to offer up his new but used truck to someone with no driver’s license, but Vronsky kept throwing out numbers of how much he’d pay him until Murf relented, though not before calling him a privileged white rich kid who was out of touch with the real world, and agreeing to rent him his truck for a Benjamin.

  Vronsky thought about the emergency spliff that Murf had hidden away in a Dr. Dre The Chronic CD jewel case stored in the truck’s glove box and wondered if he should take a hit to calm his nerves. He had kept waiting to receive a message from Anna that she had changed her mind and he shouldn’t come, but no such text arrived. He opened the Words with Friends app, staring at his letters. He could play the word HERO, with the H on a double letter score square.

  Some hero I am, he thought to himself. Too chicken shit to get out of the truck.

  In his entire sexual history, and his list was long and impressive for someone his age, he had never felt this nervous. Sure he’d been over-the-top excited before, but a teenage boy going through puberty could get excited over just about anything.

  He and Anna had never discussed their sexual histories, though she had teased him about all his past conquests on more than one occasion. She did this out of insecurity, probably because she had only been with one person. But in all his sexcapades he had never been in love before, and now that he knew what love was, all his past hookups paled in comparison.

  Anna had seen the truck pull down the driveway, but he hadn’t come inside the house yet. She had left the mudroom door unlocked like she’d said she would. She was alone, which was rare because Magda and her husband lived in a small house on the property, and when her husband was out of town, Magda slept in a room off the kitchen. She did it for Anna’s benefit, or so she said, but Anna knew that Magda was the one who got scared alone at night. Anna was never worried because of Gemma and Jon Snow. There was no chance anyone they didn’t know could get past three hundred pounds of Newfoundland coming at them from both sides.

  Anna dismissed the notion that Vronsky was nervous and sitting in Murf’s truck, too scared to come in. If anyone needed to be nervous, it was she. What am I doing? Why did I invite him over?

  She asked herself these questions to salvage her pride, because her secret self knew exactly why she had asked him to come over. The house was empty, and she had never wanted anything the way she wanted Vronsky. For the last several weeks she had been walking around in a state of constant irritation, like her skin was too tight. She was overly sensitive to the slightest touch, and she noted how every texture she came into contact with gave her new sensations she’d never experienced: the way clothes draped over her body, or the way her high-thread-count sheets felt extra smooth and cool to her skin. She was taking long showers these days in hopes the hot water would somehow desensitize her. But nothing had been working. All she pictured when she closed her eyes was his face, and she could summon the fragrance of Vronsky without even concentrating. When Vronsky kissed her, all she wanted was to sink to the floor with him. Earlier today, out in the field when they were making out, her shirt had come untucked and when he slipped his hand underneath it and she felt his hands on her bare skin, she had to bite her lip to keep from moaning.

  That was when she decided she needed to see him. If she didn’t spend more time with him, she’d go mad. She couldn’t concentrate in school. She was distracted at home. This morning she had poured grapefruit juice into her cereal thinking it was milk.

  Anna knew what she was doing was wrong. Alexander was still her boyfriend, but somehow, she didn’t care anymore. If it weren’t for his car accident, she would have broken up with him, which meant she would be free to love Vronsky and to be loved by him as well.

  The dogs were barking, howling with excitement and scrambling around the slick marble floor of the foyer. She wondered if she should go rescue him from their slobbery kisses. No, it would be good practice for him. They were child’s play in comparison to what she planned to do to him. She wanted to eat him like a bowl of ice cream. She wanted to put her fingers in his mouth and make him suck the tips. She wanted to get him into her childhood bed and scare all the monsters hiding under it. An earthquake, they would think. The end of the world, they would think. That’s what she wanted most of all, to be loud, unbridled, with no one in the house. Anna was tired of being quiet and polite and demure.

  She couldn’t hear him climbing up the steps, but she knew he was coming because the dogs were bounding thunderously up the stairs. She looked up, and he was standing in her doorway. Was there a nervousness about him? If there was, it was gone in an instant. He crossed the bedroom and joined her on the bed. Their kissing was like breathing for her, as though she had been holding her breath whenever they were apart, and now that he was with her, she had to gasp and take in as much of him as she could.

  Her robe was on the floor in a manner of seconds, her bra forgone, her panties kept on as a mere formality. She laughed, trying to unbutton the tiny buttons on his shirt, kissing him hungrily as she went. He smelled so good, a mix of wild lilac and freshly chopped wood. She could tell he was hard, could feel it pressing against her. She wanted to see all of him, wanted to taste every square inch of him.

  Afraid he might explode early from her naked body grinding against him, he knew he had to slow down the pace. “Anna … Anna,” he purred as she unbuckled his belt. He grabbed her hands to stop her, and she looked up at him, wild-eyed, animalistic, and now he understood. He was the prey. He was the fish who had seen the shiny object twinkle in the water, and she had hooked him through the heart with such precision that when he burst to the surface he felt as though he was being lifted by the hands of God herself … look at me, I can fly!

  She had him in her mouth, and he gripped the duvet, clutching it as if it could save him. It was too late for him, he had gone over the cliff like a cartoon cat, holding onto a daisy at the edge for dear life, plinking the petals off one by one. She loves me, she loves me not, she loves me, I love her, I will love her forever …

  She was above him now, her face hovering close to his. As she lowered herself slowly upon him she stared into his eyes, and he could tell she was lost in ecstasy, too. Now that he was fully inside her, she halted for a moment, this beautiful, mysterious creature who had caught him, and he knew the second she started again, he would burst.

  In one quick motion, he rolled her over onto her back, thrust his hips forward, and she moaned his name, “Alexia!”

  That was his undoing, his name on her lips. He thrust again and again, and she cried out loudly as he brought them both to the brink, gasping her name. “Anna!”

  If this was what it meant to be the prey, then he wanted to die by her tooth and claw over and ove
r again. Vronsky rolled off her and stared at the ceiling, little shiny dots flashing in his eyes like he’d just looked directly into the sun.

  “Alexia…” she whispered, rolling onto her side so she could observe him, her hands tracing the soft blond hair running up his belly.

  He rolled onto his side so that they were facing each other. Words no longer mattered; nothing mattered except for them right now basking in the afterglow of their first time. He touched her face and kissed her, because that was the only instinct he possessed.

  She loved the way he kissed her, his hunger everpresent, and she felt the same hunger when she kissed him back, as if she had no idea which of them was devouring the other, so equal was their passion for each other. She had had sex before, but not like this. She didn’t even know where her boldness came from when she climbed up on him, the throbbing ache of her desire was so great. It was the purest form of lust she had ever felt, and the wave that followed when he rolled her over, thrusting into her, releasing everything she had ever held back was like a tidal wave obliterating her life into two separate time periods, B.V. (Before Vronsky) and A.V. (After Vronsky).

  And then he reached for her again.

  VII

  Dustin wanted to go to Arizona with his father and help bring back Nicholas, but his father said no. There was no way Dustin could miss school without his mother finding out about Nicholas’s disappearance, which they had managed to keep secret from her. “But if we split the driving, we could drive all night and make it back in two days,” Dustin said. “It’s my senior year. I could easily make up the work.”

  “I’m not driving the car back. I’m flying home with him,” Jason said even though he had no idea if he could convince his eldest son to return home at all. “I can ship the car back.”